been binging tipsy tolstoy recently, some of the stories i plan on reading, but some — well there just isn’t enough time in a lifetime but it’s giving me a better sense of how history, economics, and things playing out in different ways affects society on a larger scale. maybe it might make me care more, but it is still giving me a feeling of impending helplessness in the larger context of the world. and so maybe just still continue focusing inward, focus on just a few people. even though that does not come with the glory nor the fame. started reading war and peace again, this time i’m listening while reading with audio book, interesting how the translations are slightly different, and fun to see them. i’m mainly trying to learn how to pronounce all the name. and finally just have to admit i am the type of learner who just needs constant repetition and top of mind awareness. it’s scary how much i have forgotten over the years. like even my first kiss with P. i’ve been trying to remember it and cannot for the life of me. like a part of my life and history has just disappeared. can i really even prove i have existed? maybe this should be part of my romance novel. 3000 words due in 3 weeks. eeeeeeek.