writing down the bones said to just start writing about anything, don’t get stuck about a good opening line. ‘fighting the tofu’
and so i guess i’ll write about the kind of blister thing that is forming at the corner of my mouth because it’s been so dry from being in sacramento. i can’t open my mouth all the way to eat things. easy fix tho, i’ve just been lazy about it.
thinking of starting a writing group with my sisters, maybe a2 and cathy too? maybe start small and see how it goes first. no sharing or sharing? maybe meet once a month and share one thing? we’ll see — goal to start in march. maybe start it with R? would be fun to see him struggle through it based on the many letters restarts he had written me. buahahaha
this week is off to any okay start. alpha seems still all crazy and just tons of work that i can’t get done in a day. managing clients, always something that can’t be delegated. triage causing a cluttered mind. need to figure out how to manage all that better. it’s a work in progress, but it’s discouraging since i’ve been in this mode for so long. and i really don’t want to spend the extra time to work on weekends because i really do need the decompression. the thought of going to my workspace on a weekend, sitting down, and looking at client work has really been turning me off lately. lately as in the last half year or so? i used to do it all the time, but something about it seems to almost gross to me. that is not how one’s free-time should be spent. at times i wonder if i could survive just working at mc donalds — could i support my parents and C and myself? but then i get scared of things like ending up in the ghetto when i’m old and so i trudge along. avoiding working on weekends, but it seems like the setup is all off. rat in cage, not quite raging yet. probably never because that’s not my nature. just a slow treadmill, comfortable enough — no pain, no hard breathing. R would say, sometimes you need to breathe hard — and just run for rlz, damnit! even if your ears do hurt.
