Letters to a Robot

so easily distracted. i just went to search for the ‘easy come easy go’ bracelet again after thinking of new blog url names. i swear someone stole that bracelet from me. i’m addicted to scrolling, not even buying. +__+ it’s really hard to disentangle from wanting to show your identity — appearance really is a minimal effort way of telling others about yourself without really trying. and if you’re intentional about it, then i don’t think it’s easily misunderstood. my anime sweatshirts, loose clothing, girly yet boyish, all trying to tell you something, cause i do care what you think of me initially. just not enough to take action. and if you come to the wrong conclusion, we were never meant to be anyway, damnit!

learned a new word in w&p today — interlocutrice: female speaker in french. thought of using it as my new blog name because it has ‘tri’ in it. keke but it’s a bit too formal and i can’t even pronounce it in french. and R would call me pretentious.

i dream of the day when we are house of two. more so for the space. empty space, clear mind? could probably meditate myself through the visual clutter, but that is a battle i’m not willing to take on at the moment.

little scuba is really good. five stars.

i made the saltiest soup and ate it for two days, finally ended up just throwing it away. know when to admit defeat. my egg cups didn’t come out so good this week either. i ended up compensating by eating a bunch of high-grade japanese snacks instead. not the best eating strategy here but it happened. resulted in poor digestion. my new way of writing ‘poop’ is ‘pewp’ — much cuter. cewter. i just realized cuter sounds like cooter. h8 ernest.

w&p — a lot about infinitesimally small moving individual motivations and how the major players in the world are just a coincidence/bi-product of them. and i suppose this is true, we all make our own decisions based on our personal values, goals, upbringing, inputs, outputs. can anyone person ever be blamed? and so yet, another philosopher who speaks of the lack of will. we’re all just moving parts. started listening to watts – the world just peopling.

i should make it a point to spend more time with my mom, maybe watercolor together or do projects together.

start once a week dinners with C again

the plan journal really works, i felt much more calm and composed yesterday. it’s really easy to go off course from processes when ish hits the fan. just don’t do it. and stressing about things that aren’t done doesn’t help. just still need to get things done one thing at a time. point is to not overload oneself which is easier said than done. i’m super excited to finally be serious and not scared of hiring someone. it’s the first risky big move i’ve done in years, possibly actually having to go back into debt is a big fear of mine. it was so hard to get out of it. but this is good debt i have to tell myself. life-changing debt. E constantly telling me that runaway inflation is going to make the world collapse isn’t helping but that’s another story.

i’m super proud of C and am really happy that she is moving out at such a young age. something we could not do and it really seems like there is generational progress. i see how helpful it is when roots have been laid down and spread to younger generations. each generation just getting a little better and progressing. maybe at some point my parents thought of that for me. although i don’t think they’ve ever admitted or said they are proud of us. maybe they are too lost in their willow wallowing sorrows to recognize? maybe they are a little bit proud but just don’t say. which is all fine, i know i wasn’t perfect — but i still think i have contributed to the progression.

hm, ok — lots of things. so many things to do in the new year. started off today by  reading ~10 pages of W&P, making it a goal to finish in 2022. made everything bagel egg cups, trying eat healthy again with minimal effort. i know, cliche for the new year but doesn’t mean it’s not good for you, so whateva all you haters out there. this year i really need to hire someone and get the compliance side of alpha down and properly get into the advisory phase of things. i will be a financially burdensome year i think but i’m feeling positive about it. will be good to get back to the basics anyway and be more aware of the minimalism i struggle with pursuing. another thing i want to practice is not putting “haha” or “lol” at the end of every text — why do i do that? lol

fighting!