woke up yesterday with readiness and sleep scores above 90, but the day did not go well.
i got really triggered by the house, the laundry that had been sitting in the laundry room and then spilled into the kitchen. the comforter that had been sitting in the washing machine for two days and then now was sitting in the dryer for another two. the cat food that was not put away. the pile of clothing that keeps re-accumulating on top of the pink, green, and brown rwandan fabric i had neatly laid on the weaved chest i love looking at. the litter sitting in the toilet. the toilet not being flushed. in combination with just having cleaned the house just a few days ago. i lost my sht. i’m not sure if i could have handled it better, but i was also sick of being the one to have to always handle it better. why is it always me to have to pick up the slack? who helps me pick up my slack? no one. and i’m not saying i need someone to, i think i have my sht handled pretty well. why can’t others just keep up their end of the bargain? i’m not even asking them to do anything for me.
and then at the end of the day, i was tired, just sitting there with nothing to eat, nothing to drink and he just keeps on pouring himself one drink after another. never asking if i want to go, but i think it was fine. but then i was just cranky from the day. so when my nose got smacked and he kept asking how i was but in a kind of joking mocking laughing way, ugh!
anyway, he seemed really sad in the morning and i guess i should have been better about how i expressed my feelings. and i guess today is a new day.